Captain Three Leg / Traffic Death

by Traffic Death / Captain Three Leg





released April 30, 2019

Tracks 1-8 = Traffic Death
Recorded by Jeff Stone at Third Scoop Studios, January, 2019. Mastered by Carl Saff.

Andrew Smeltzer - Bass + Vox
Brian Greenfield - Drums
Luke Rauch - Guitars
Nate Phillips - Vox

Cover art by Viral Graphics.
Layout by Nate Phillips.

Tracks 9-34 = Captain Three Leg
Recorded with Reaper August 18th, 2016. Vocals recorded February, 2018, mixed March, 2018 and mastered by Eric Trude in April, 2018.

Brian - Vocals
Andy - Bass, Guitar + Vocals
Ivo - Drums
Colin T., Mason, Paul, Ry-Animator - Guest Vocals

Cover and center label art by Ry-Animator.
Doodles, lettering and layout by Andy.



Track Name: Traffic Death - Department Of Cowards
Another routine traffic stop
Waiting for some bullshit cop
Asking me to open my window
Acting smug as fucking usual
Do you know why I pulled you over?
No and I don’t really fucking care
Now it’s your life that’s going nowhere

I’m getting sick of sending you
Eighty fucking dollars
To an entire department
Of total worthless cowards

It’s expected to bitch about cops
Because they act like total jocks
Unleashed violence on the innocent
Now it will turn into an incident

All I did was not see the speed change
Now I’m in jail at risk of being re arranged
That pig didn’t like being called a piece of shit
Now here I will remain rotting in this fucking pit

An inmate with no fucking identity
Just the simple number they gave me
But one day ill get out of this hole
And that’s when I’ll find you on patrol
Track Name: Traffic Death - Nowhere USA
Come to our city and look down on us
Because the place you moved is so hip
Not even from there or anywhere
Nobody will miss you where you once lived

I might be from nowhere USA
But I like it just fine anyway

I’d say go back home but there is no place to go
Not wanted in the place that you dwell
Couldn’t have gotten out of there fast enough
Not even trying help the place grow

When you return hoping to be saved
You will be the one with no place to go
Track Name: Traffic Death - Rotting In Time
Cannot hear the moans of a now dying race
And there’s no way I’m going to take its Place
Because we are all part of the same species
With an endless history filled with feces
Choking on the smoke, breathing it in
Now the real suffering is about to begin
Nobody can foresee all the death that befalls
Every last human that lives within its walls

Piles of bodies high as can be
There is death as far as eyes can see
In no time all nature will devour
Cover up existence with its inhuman power
At least when it’s over that will be it
And still the world will have been full of shit
You hoped it would end and now it has
But you’ve been left behind with all of mankind

Worms eat the flesh and shit out the waste
Insects survive and repopulate at will
Nobody left to try and seize control
Just a world left to exist all alone
Of course one day a species will arise
And try to obtain everything in its eyes
But nothing lasts forever as you can see
How stupid can an entire race be?
All one needs to do it take a good look around
You will see we should be buried underground
Radiation leaks in through your thick skull
All the while wondering why you are so dull
You have nothing of interest to anyone else
I’d say its time to consider killing yourself
But you wont have to the work has been done
Still a choice that’s made day to day
And now the human race will end this way
Track Name: Traffic Death - Buy The Ticket
Try as you might, try as you may
But you will not take me down today
Some days you might be strong
On others I am stronger
But I will not take it any longer

Bought the ticket now take the ride
Sure it will get scary but don’t hide
Face to face with your biggest fear
Hold on tight now steering clear

Time for another ride so hold on tight
On and on through the endless night
Brought to the forefront of my mind
Worries go away for a brief time

Bought the Ticket now take the ride
Sure it will get scary but don’t hide
Face to face with your biggest fear
Hold on tight now steering clear
Track Name: Traffic Death - Savage Stench
Brain boiling over at an unmistakable rate
Must find a solution before it’s to late
Common sense no longer common just a blur
Can’t follow further but to late to turn back
Moving forward but somehow left behind

Caught up but not tied down
Going to traverse on solid ground
Make the way for unbalanced earth
No place to stand, no place to go
Back and forth answers never no

Content in Turmoil, decent is the only solution
Is that sound coming from up or down?
There is but one way to ever find it out
Crawling in to the darkness
The depths are endless and vast
You have been left to suffer
With all of mankind
Track Name: Traffic Death - Overturned
Traffic letting up the speed starts to increase
An end has been put to your sense of peace
The road may be long and the turns are quite hard
Bodies will lay dead with every piece, every shard
Shoulder begins to narrow as you veer around the bend
No possible foresight, your life is about to end
The ridge drops down off the side of the road
Soon finding out hoping not to explode

Other motorists must have seen something when you went down
Off the side of the road you quickly skid into the ditch
Leaving proof that there once was a car into the darkness
you have been left inverted and all but fucking dead

Is it possible for a belt to be so hard to release?
Maybe you can wriggle free from this hunk of steel
There is still a chance the gas line didn’t rip
Screaming as loud as you can from deep within
Looking for survivors not knowing you’re alone
No one else screams and yours fall on deaf ears
Not sure if anyone saw you as the road took you down
Now your car has been left overturned upside down
Track Name: Traffic Death - Contagions
Contagions flowing from the rivers below
Fumes coming down from the skies above
Air is now not breathable all water now undrinkable
What will be next seems so unthinkable
But what is to come when reason is gone
And all that is left is death all around
Screaming out but you hear not a sound

This should be criminal but who to convict
When there is no law and no survivors
Order no longer found just the order of nature
Never was there going to be another way
Consider yourself lucky, to die from the fumes
Part of the endless billions encased in their tombs
Streets are filled with corpses, soon to rot away
No future for a dying world, no more life today

Eardrums are punctured from the atomic blasts
Eyes have melted away from the seering light
Hair is falling out from the radiation levels
Skin has turned to jelly and begins to fall off
You thought for sure you wouldn’t suffer this way
Why is it still possible to feel all this pain?
Will this ever end, will it ever go away
Either way it turns out the world is gone today
Track Name: Traffic Death - Compromised
Compromising state of mind lax in every way
Generating a clear path living day to day
Moving on, moving forward to the next thing
Echoes of the past may bleed like a bell rings

Still have stressful days still have to pay the bills
Still I hear you scream, Still I hear you say
Longing for the good old days that have long since past
Sometimes still struggling with some ways to cope

Silence isn’t always golden which noise always proves
Sending chills down my spine so I can unwind
Horrendous deeds shall come and go, that might just be true
But as sure as things begin they are sure to end

Where dreams have died and promises went unfulfilled
Spending time going backward to the distant past
The end of the day the acid still churns within
Burns like a raging fire down in my throat

Bewildered by the outcome at the end of it all
Thought for sure I would have been dead by now
Whether flying down the road or walking down the street
Still somehow I live and deaths the one who retreats

Couldn’t really ask for more but maybe I should
Needing more income than time will allow
No way to make it but no chance I’m going to fail
Guess it’s not so bad as long as I am not in jail

Still serving time for this life long sentence
Hoping to get time served but I have no appeals
For I was found guilty for a crime I did commit
The crime was being born in this world of shit

Putting together the pieces so they will fit
Never quite sure how many ones I am missing
Sometime you have to force them to stay in place
As long as they don’t fall apart there is still a chance

Still my mind is compromised but I can make it work
Just have to imagine it all turns out all right
Otherwise what is the point and why even bother
But I doubt this reasoning just about every day
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Paranoia Sales Pitch
Strike their hearts with fear and panic
Make them open up their wallets
The fear of death, there’s nothing greater
Buy shit now, or regret it later
It’s a paranoia sales pitch
Buy while there’s still time
Jugs of water stacked about
Shit tickets and batteries
Porno mags and hunting knives
Generator gassed up for the year
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Blunderphonics
Never do more than a couple of takes
Increasing the fuzz to hide our mistakes
Rehearsal and practice, waste of fucking time
Bury those mistakes until it sounds fine
Play it faster than before
Definition out the door
Cram it all together fast
Blunders buried under blasts of noise
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Chemical Dick
Piling on the perfume
To cover up your funk
It’s the only way to get a chick
To fondle your junk
A cloud of toxic fumes
Contaminated skin
It’s the furthest thing from natural
Giving your privates a chemical bath
Bar of soap not strong enough
You’re poisoning your dick
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Shit Parade
In every year of every style
There’s always been a heaping pile of shit
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Little Versions Of Yourself
You put your kid in onesies
That are screened with your favorite bands
He’s gonna be a punk rock kid
Just like his dumb old man
Mohawks at two years old
Little versions of yourself
Teach them to throw the horns
Impress your stupid friends
Scene points rack up
Stop manipulating your fucking kids
And let them find interests of their own
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Rasta The Grouch
You go to all the shows
But you never go inside
In back by the dumpster
Is where you always hide
Your dreadlocks and bad breath
Tell people where you are
You smell like someone’s turd
That’s been dipped in PBR
Diving in the dumpster
Retrieving empty cans
Why bother showing up
If you aren’t watching the bands?
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Border Patrol
Seven layer burritos are delicious as hell
They're the best thing on the menu at Taco Bell
There's a proper way to do it when you're ready to eat
Better do it right to stop the transference of heat
Lettuce and tomato on top
Gotta eat them cold before you get to the beans
Empty out a packet of sauce
One for each bite, or even more, if you please
Don't look like a gringo when it comes to your food
Should be pounding down burritos with the methods approved
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - No More (No Encore)
Patiently waiting for you to finish your set
At the edge of my seat with car keys in hand
You announce your last song
Make my way to the door
Grit my teeth at the crowd
As they shout for one more
Haven’t you fucking played long enough?
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Bedroom Boredom
The sex has gone stale
So you liven things up
Introduction of role play
Each night, a new fuck
Just can’t wait for night
Bedroom boredom
Eee-yowwwwwwww! Yowwwww!
Freak with me, babe, but don’t turn on the lights
Bedroom boredom
Wholesome and pure
Until you’re off of your feet
You’re a saint on the streets
And Satan in the sheets
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Human Petri-Dish
Tuck in those knees and take a dive
We're going to the public pool
It's teeming with filth of the human kind
Chlorine only does so much
To clean the scum from unwashed butts
Sweat and boogers watered down
Surround you as you swim around
It might be clean, but it's still a bit of shit
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Cramming For Finals
Text books open
Pants around his knees
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Anal Probe
Penetrated deep against my will
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Depression Erection
The more I think of death
The harder I get
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Dad Rock
You gave up the band when you tied the knot
Middle-aged man with a recent divorce
Give it another try
But your kids think you're fucking lame
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - @!#?@!
Trying hard to keep it clean
It's fucking hard, you know what I mean
Back and forth, I rearrange
These lyrics are a fucking pain
This shit that's scribbled on the page
It's dumb as fuck, a fucking waste
Does anyone even read this shit?
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Middle Core
Too hard for some, and for others, too soft
Existing in that middle ground
Keep it sick, or keep it down
Playing it safe is fucking weak
Commit to something or fuck off
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Jerk Island
No fucking shade
Not getting laid
No visual aides
To masturbate
Fucked off in art class
Never learned how to draw
Shipwrecked and horny
With noone to ball
Improvised porno
With a stick in the sand
Crudely drawn titties
Work that dick with your hand
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - The Underground Sucks
Stop inviting me to your shows
What is this, fucking amateur night?
You've got to start somewhere
I know how it goes
To work out the bugs, takes too much time
I'm not listening to a work in progress
If you were any fucking good
You'd already be signed
The underground sucks
You fuck up too much
Your recordings are fucked
I'm not going to listen to your shit
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Kurt Went First
Went through school without a single friend
Life is hell, so you bring it to an end
Date picked out to to end the pain
But Kurt went first, and beat you at your own game
Your hatred for Nirvana saved your fucking life
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Elderly And Obsolete
You just get in the way
Here you are, but why?
You can’t see for shit
Can’t even fucking drive
Pulling out your checkbook
And holding up the line
You think you know everything
Complaining all the time
Elderly and obsolete
Hurry up and fucking die
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Talk Shit, Dead Split
Agree to do a split
But it never fucking happens
Ran your mouth too many times
They tell you to go get fucked
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Deaf Guys In Band Shirts
Deaf guys in band shirts
Signing 'til their hands hurt
Signing out the lyrics
But always out of time
How do you decide
which bands you fucking like?
When you can't fucking hear them
No matter how hard you try?
You'll always be a poser
Cuz you're fucking deaf
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Blood Before Boobs
Violence on TV
It’s a tragedy
Afraid to show a boob
Afraid of someone’s knob
So you turn those cameras on
Hoping bloodshed never stops
A slipple of a nipple
And the country goes insane
Then you turned the TV off
And you rubbed it 'til you came
It’s what we want
So give it up
We spend our lives
In the pursuit of naked flesh
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - The Passion Of Arn
You should be crunching numbers
Instead of crushing skulls
‘The Accountant' of the Horseman
You were so fucking dull
I'd bet if you could turn back time
And change the circumstances
You’d choose a life of tranquility
Spine-busting those finances
Mr. Arn Anderson
A CPA that deals in pain
From the ring to behind a desk
At last
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - Riff Deficient
I pick up my guitar
And I’m overcome with shame
It’s more than crust being boring as fuck
The songs all sound the same
It’s fucking lame
It sounds so damn familiar
Because I’ve written this riff before
It was just a couple months ago
But here it is once more
It was on our split with Dysmorfic
It's all a bunch of shit
Pulling from the same bag of tricks
Over and over again
Doing the exact same fucking thing
And expecting different results
Track Name: Captain Three Leg - 2017: A Year In Death
Malcom Young died - He's fucking dead
Jerry Lewis died - He's fucking dead
Adam West died - He's fucking dead
Chuck Berry died - He's fucking dead
Mary Tyler Moore - She's fucking dead

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