|
1. |
|
|
|
|
(instrumental)
|
|
2. |
|
|
|
|
I walk into this store
I say hello, I say hello
This guy stares at me
He says nothing, he says nothing
What did I do to this non-social asshole?
He’s looking at me like I just fucked his mom
His eyes, his eyes look like cherry bombs
Cherry bombs
No, no cherry bombs
No, no cherries
No, no cherry bombs
No, no cherry bombs
|
|
3. |
|
|
|
|
(instrumental)
|
|
4. |
|
|
|
|
Even though you kicked me in the balls
I like you
Even though you threw me to the ground
I like you
Even though you spit in my eyes
I like you
Please, please be my friend
I thought we’d be together till the end
Now I’m all black and blue
But I still say…
I like you (x3)
I like you, you, you and you
|
|
5. |
|
|
|
|
DUCK CROSSING
Quack, quack, splat!
GOT NO TEETH
Got no teeth
Don’t need no toothpaste
|
|
6. |
|
|
|
|
Stop and open my eyes
Find truth and lies intertwined
Truth lies! Truth lies!
Find my head boxed in lines
Darkness engulfs me and hate unwinds
Fighting to see (open my eyes)
Fighting to be (open my eyes)
And I’ve got just one question
When power becomes obsession
And I’m boxed in greed and possession
How long will it last? (open my eyes)
How long can it go? (open my eyes)
How blind are we?
I want to know
|
|
7. |
|
|
|
|
How now, brown cow?
Moo!
|
|
8. |
|
|
|
|
Blood-soaked breakfasts are the best
I love them so much I can hardly rest
Eating like this is so much fun
Ha, ha… look at Granny run
Run, Granny, Run – Run, run
Run, Granny, run – Run, run
Hey, pass me those scrambled legs
Then I’ll be ready for the Granny steaks
|
|
9. |
|
|
|
|
(instrumental)
|
|
10. |
|
|
|
|
Looking around at the people I see
Why do they seem so afraid of me?
Just because I don’t have a nose or an eye
Sure doesn’t give them a reason to fight
Me, disabled me (x2)
I wish people would just leave me alone
So I can get some sleep at home
Kids running around making fun of me
Oh, please God, let me be
Me, disabled me (x2)
|
|
11. |
|
|
|
|
I spend my life cutting down trees
Trimming up branches
Getting rid of weeds
Fighting off mosquitoes
Chase dogs on the run
Being a groundskeeper isn’t any fun
|
|
12. |
|
|
|
|
Pasty pictures of a guy named Ralph
Airing his views for all to see
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
All day long
Disagreement, then humility
His ignorance turns to violence
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang
Till they’re all gone
Poor old Ralph in front of the judge
Exhibit “A” on display
They’re gonna throw, throw, throw, throw, throw, throw
Throw you in jail
Thirty long years and twenty-two dead
As Ralph looks back on his day
He got, got, got, got, got
To speak his mind
Don’t drop the soap (x8)
|
|
13. |
|
|
|
|
Blast away and never aim
Just spray with no regrets
If you’re a miss, you’ll sit in piss
That toilet seat’s a mess
The soap dispenser’s empty
And the trash is overfilled
Wipe, flush, wash & leave
|
|
14. |
|
|
|
|
(instrumental)
|
|
15. |
|
|
|
|
Omelette du Fromage
Cheese omelette!
|
|
16. |
|
|
|
|
Spinning round and round
The blades of a ceiling fan
Installed it much too quickly
Say hello to death
Nuts and bolts falling down
The blades rip through your head
Your blood splatters on the wall
Sit and laugh while you lie dead
|
|
17. |
|
|
|
|
Left on someone’s front door
When he was only four years old
Parents didn’t like him at all
Unwanted and completely alone
Taken in by somebody else
Someone to finally fill the void
Brandon was so god damn happy
Jumped to his feet and danced up a storm
Every night and every day
He would rip up the dance floor
Improving his steps every time
His dance skills couldn’t be matched
People came from miles around
Begging Brandon to display his stuff
He would say “Get out of my way.
This dance floor has my name all over it.”
Brandon, please dance with me
Feet shuffling like Fred Astaire
Brandon is the dancing king
Look at him go, it’s really amazing
Brandon’s life is sublime
Things couldn’t be much better
Polish up your dancing shoes
Brandon “Teen Idol” is coming to town
|
|
18. |
|
|
|
|
HI-C
Hi!
HOT CHOCLOATE
Brush the snow off of my clothing
As I come in from the cold
Pour the hot chocolate
Defrost my frozen bones
As the liquid flows down my throat
I regain feeling in my toes
The warm sensation, don’t stop there
Drinking my cocoa in my underwear
Marshmallows on top
Keep them coming, just don’t stop
Drink it ‘till it’s gone
Oh, hot chocolate you’re the one for me
When it is cold outside
|
|
19. |
|
|
|
|
20. |
|
|
|
Forged in a fire of bad sex, bad parenting, bad culture, bad food, bad bands, bad people, bad places and bad things, Mean Dave is a comedian who thought he was a musician the same way Happy Gilmore was a golfer who thought he was a hockey player. This release captures two unique performances of his comedy act performed in the SF/Oakland Bay Area, recorded for posterity before he winds up on TV, or murdered, or both. Captain Three Leg, Iowa’s longest running grind/hardcore/whatever band, digs into the archives to perform new versions of songs they wrote when they were still squeezing zits in high school. Plowing through 20 songs in 15 minutes, C3L tackles timeless, hard-hitting subjects like public restrooms, hot chocolate, and cannibalism.
released December 7, 2013
Tracks 1-18 = Captain Three Leg, recorded October 13, 2013 on a Fostex XR-7 Multitracker with additional overdubs done with Reaper + mastered by Stumblefuck at Hundskit Studios. All songs written by Unisex (Shepard/Hoff/Koettel/Carroll) in 1993.
Andy - Big Strings, Small Strings, "Stone" + Bad Breath
Brian - Big Steel Drum + Bad Breath
Tracks 19-20 = Mean Dave, recorded live@ Christy's On the Square, Santa Rosa, CA 9/17/2013 and @ Kimball's, Oakland, CA 11/14/2012 on a Sony IC Recorder ICD-PX820.
Cover art by Frank M. Oblak. Back cover by Victor M. Pacheco.